Get yourself together, would you?

I'm back....

For the past couple of weeks, I have been suffering with some low level depression. I just have to put it out there. It is the truth and I am just starting to admit this to myself.

I have yet to tell the story of my family life. Boy, it is a doozy. Until that time comes, I will just need to say: the people I have in my life whom I love and trust are few and far between. For starters, I have two siblings. My older sister and my little brother. There are not many more people than this in my life. Well, my sister just packed everything up and moved to Texas last week. This is the sister with whom I am only 10 months apart from in age. Also, we have never lived more than 10 mins. away from each other our whole lives. Now she is gone. She took her family: my 2 nephews and my niece and left. To start a new life elsewhere...without me in it. Okay, okay...maybe this is a tad 'over dramatic' or 'selfish' even...but I am just having a hard time dealing with it. A really hard time.

Worst of all, my little brother (21 isn't really little anymore, I guess) is leaving in a couple of months to join her. Now that cuts to the bone. We are good friends. At least I thought we were...Is this separation anxiety??

I hardly eat now, I don't sleep well, I feel miserable all the time...I don't know how exactly to remedy this.

Maybe it is time for me to get MY sh*t together!!! I have a lot that I can be thankful for. I have a good paying job. I have a nice house. My family is healthy. IT IS JUST ME. I really got to work on me for a change. I am soooo not committal when it comes to keeping promises to myself. I really think that now is the the time that I can set goals and achieve them. I am determined to do it this time. IT being all the things that I think about, but never actually start. NOW IS THE TIME.

Hopefully the next time I see them, they will be proud of how I am doing. I hope so. Where to start has been the hard part. I have to pick a point and start there. I'll let you know how it's going. Especially now that I don't have my sis and bro to talk to anymore...sometimes life seems unfair. But maybe it's just all mental...so I say...mind over matter, right?!

We'll see...

~Lara

UPDATE: Well...look who couldn't hang outside of California! After a 2-day drive to Texas, my brother spent less than 1 week there and drove right back. He couldn't do it. Maybe be he just realized he was going to miss his big sister too much! (Yeah right!) Whatever the reason, I'm glad he's back!!!! ☺